..to love him

I shall call a woman lucky, if she has been so loved by a man, that he would do and give anything for her. His love stands the test of time. His loyalty is undying, regardless of who comes before him, or even after. Nothing will ever change the way he feels about her. But God shall bless the woman that decides to love him back, or at least make the attempt. For she shall never know the true strength of his love, because he has lost his heart to someone that took him for granted.

bridges.

"Sometimes the hardest thing in life to know is which bridge to cross and which to burn."

So, I've been having an internal debate about the difference between burning a bridge and successfully crossing a bridge without having to look back. When asking someone why they continue to interact with people that in the past have done them wrong, one of the more common responses is "I don't believe in burning bridges." And that is usually followed by "you never know when you're going to need someone." I believe both of these are two very valid points.But I think they are overused.

Everyone is not meant to be a lifetime friend. Everyone is not meant to walk by your side through every experience. I am a firm believer in the Reason, Season, or Lifetime labels provided for every person and situation. Friends come and go. Some are great friends, some not so great. But there comes a time when you must leave some people behind because they are hindering your growth as an individual, preventing you from becoming the best you that you can be. This is where crossing a bridge becomes necessary.

You are allowed to progress through life after certain situations without the people that have you gotten you to stand on your own two feet, the ones that taught you the necessary life lessons. For example, romantic relationships can be over before you have a chance to completely understand what really went wrong. A lot of people attempt the "let's be friends" scenario, often times unsuccessfully. This is a very good instance of when people should cross their respective bridges without looking behind them. Just because you two are no longer the best of friends does not mean you have burned a bridge. You have moved on, with your pride and dignity. I'm not sure there is any fault in this.

I just find this "debate" interesting, for so many reasons. I've entered many relationships where the other person was holding on to an ex significant other. And I'm usually left being the one that can say, yes, we're still "friends", but we don't talk very often. I haven't burned any of these so-called bridges, I've just crossed them. And haven't looked back. I could easily walk back to the other side and pick up where we left off or start anew, but I've never felt the need. Nor do I see that becoming a part of my daily agenda any time soon.

Burning bridges is bad. Losing connections over negative things that could be worked out over a few conversations is both childish and pointless. But crossing a bridge is a good thing. And I honestly feel it's necessary. You can't bring everyone with you, most importantly because everyone doesn't deserve to be with you at the end of your journey.

funk.

I'm in a funk. I can't describe it. I can't even form words to explain it, not that I've really tried. For the last 2 weeks, I've been dealing with a whirlwind of emotions. The feelings at any given moment could very well not make any sense to the current situation, but I have no control over them.

This funk. I can't explain it. Literally. I'm lost for words. I have sat down to write at least 5 blog entries over the last 3 days. And I've come up with nothing but autosaved drafts that will never see the main screen.

So much to say. So much thinking. So much funk. It's just not right. I can't make sense of it all. Perfect example, the rambling of this entry. And the fact that I'm about to hit "publish post" just so I can't add another unfinished blog to the list. And blame it on the funk.

this. is me.

i'm 24 years old. i am my mother's only child. and i am my father's second child. i am my grandmother's 7th grandchild. and i am a child of God.

i'm a college graduate. i am a full time employee. i am an on-time bill payer. and all the time tax payer. i'm a registered voter. and (for the most part) a law abiding citizen.

i am a cousin. i am a friend. i am an enemy. i am somebody.

i am stubborn. and i can be selfish. although the thing i want most is probably just your attention. i don't want anything material. i don't want any favors. i just ask that you listen when i talk. and actually hear me.

i am a lover. i love hard and i love fiercely. i will give my last just so someone i love can have any and everything they need.

i'm emotional. often times than not, they come out behind closed doors. yes, it's to protect myself and keep a guard up. yes, i know that's wrong. but i have been hurt, just like everyone else, and i haven't learned how to handle it. i don't express myself very well in the heat of the moment. give me time, let me cool off, and i might come around. either way, at the end of the day, i'm still learning how to deal with my emotions.

one thing i am not and don't claim to be is perfect. so please don't hold me to unrealistic expectations and standards.

i am human. and i make mistakes. forgive me in advance.

Happy New Year!!

In 2010, I promise I'm gonna try harder to be a regular blogger. =)

Hope everyone has a great and prosperous year!

Thanking God continuously for another day, yet alone another year. He didn't have to do it.

Circumstantial Friendships

Over the last few months, I've come to realize how many "circumstantial friends" I have. What type of friend is that, you ask? Well, let me explain.

It's quite simple actually because it is purely that, a friend based on circumstance. It's the girl that befriends you simply because you're great friends with her boyfriend. Or it's the guy that befriends you simply because you're now dating one of his boys. It could also be the chick that befriends you because you have a mutual friend and she's met you once or twice. Or, it's the person that befriends you for the simple fact that you were at one point nice to them and they think it's only "right" to be your friend. Now, the avenues of these "friendships" can be varied. Facebook, twitter, Blackberry Messenger, Google Chat, etc. You get it now? Circumstantial Friends.

So, how do you treat these people and the friendships? Do you go out of your way to make it work? Or do you let it remain based on the circumstance that helped it "form"? I have a hard time with this because I'm the type of person that will befriend anyone, regardless of circumstance. Yes, the situation may introduce us, but I'm all for building a relationship that is specific to us. I'm not saying we have to become the best of friends, but at least make an attempt to make me feel like you're not being forced into this pseudo friendship. And if the initial friendship/relationship that brought us together suffers a tough break, why does that have to trickle down to our friendship? This just further proves you were doing it to "look good".

At the end of it all, my stance on it is just don't do it. Be cordial. But don't go forward with any attempts that could be seen as genuine and whole-hearted. If we see each other on the streets, it's okay to speak. And if we happen to hang out as a group, it's more than okay to laugh and have a good time. But under no circumstance should you make me feel like you're interested in being my friend outside of the common denominator being involved. Just let this common source be the only reason we know each other. You don't have to be on any of my social networking sites or even in my phone book for me to remember your name. And if, by chance, I do forget your name, maybe your attempts should be in making yourself memorable, not trying to be my "friend".

Just Go

I'm afraid to be wrong. I'm afraid to take a risk. I'm afraid to hold my breath, close my eyes, leave my fears and just jump. There's so much I need to do, so much I want to do, and so much I have to do in order to say I've actually lived this life.

I'm at this point where my future needs to be somewhat figured out. I'm not saying I should have it 100% figured out, because realistically, that's not possible. But I should at least know which path I should be headed down. Well, to be quite honest, I know nothing about my future. And it scares me. Terrifies me.

Today, for some reason, I feel like my deadline is fast approaching. The one thing I feel I need to figure out is graduate school. I know I need to go. And I actually want to go. But for what? Is it okay to go just because it's the "right thing to do" but not because it's what I really want? Frustration.

I think I'm running away from what could possibly make me happy. But, I refuse to chase it because so many people have laughed at the idea. Why do I suddenly care what they think? This is tough. So many thoughts. So many emotions. So. Much. To. Figure. Out.

Praying to God.